Am I Black or White – Who Am I ?

A Mixed Race Family

Raising a mixed race family in a largely white society can be challenging especially for single parents. Discovering who you truly are beyond this body-mind offers true freedom.

It was a tough sometimes raising sons as a single (widowed) parent. Mothering my beautiful boys was also a great privilege coupled with a lot of  joy. The hard part was how others perceived us. We were a mixed race family I guess… with a lot of love.  Yet the differences led to a sad end for one of my boys.

A White Society

I was told when I was pregnant with my first son that he would grow up half Indian and half white Australian and that it could be difficult for my child and me in our white society. Angry and hurt, I rejected this. How could they tell me the child in my belly was half anything – He was my child, Whole and Perfect and very much wanted and Loved.

Colour is Beautiful

Colour difference had never meant much to me – I see us as souls having a human experience. We all live in body temples of many beautiful colours, shapes and sizes. Our differences is what makes the world so wonderful.

Life was sweet as I went on to birth my first three sons. Tragedy surrounding their father’s death left me alone as a (white) mother to raise my beautiful sons.

Culture 

I didn’t my boys/us to feel different. We were family.

I wanted them to know the place where their father was born and raised, so we travelled to India many times as they grew up. We had wonderful cultural and exciting adventures together.

Later, I went on to have a fourth son – My youngest son lives in a different coloured body temple. But they are brothers and I see no difference – we are just one family.

Colours of Puberty 

When the boys were young and cute life was easy. We fitted in mostly. When they became pre and and early teens their lives became more challenging.

My boys felt different and I wasn’t prepared for this.

I was shocked when my oldest son came home with “black bitch” written on his school shirt. He thought it a joke – I didn’t.

It’s How We Feel Inside That Matters

My second son was more sensitive. He felt emptiness and pain in his heart, a space he felt his father’s heritage could have filled. He grieved for the father he never knew who chose to leave this world and him behind. He was troubled and his pain led him down a darker path of separation.

When my third son told me his school bus driver called him a nigger I was appalled that such ignorance still could exist in a human heart. I shut this out of my mind as I lived by principles of loving kindness and inclusivity toward all beings.

My Sons Felt Different and this really hurt me. There seemed nothing I could do about it. This world is full of ignorance and judgement born of fear supporting an Ego that is hellbent on separation.

In separation Love can never exist.

Be Yourself

I raised my sons hoping that they would feel proud of their heritage – but now I question that.

Now I would say. Be yourself and express WHO YOU ARE FREELY…. not based on your colour, heritage, parents or any other story that society, me or anyone else may attach to you. 

Jump out of any box… Just Be Yourself – I will love you.

Bullying is a cowards way of building the EGO. EGO feeds a false sense of SEPERATE SELF.

Bullying is Sad 

Belittling others is often done unconsciously to prop up a sense of false-self in the bully. It is a sad attempt to develop a sense of self or define what we the separate self judge as ‘how it/you should be’. School systems do this to children who won’t fit their mould. Society does this is so many ways leaving individuals feeling separate, unloved and alone.

We can be bullied for being short (I was), fat, geeky, slow, too fast, skinny, tall, white or black.

But… this is just the Packaging we come in. This is Not Who We Are.

WHO AM I

Ask yourself.   WHO AM I ?    REALLY?    Ponder this question…follow it past the preferences, culture, colour, name and form. Come to the essence where there is no black or white…there is only oneness.

Suffering and Suicide

I lost my middle sensitive son Prem to suicide. My sons lost a brother. And it hurt. Cruelty and judgement whether directed outward to others or inward toward ourselves for not fitting the mould causes pain.

I spoke to one of my boys recently and was shocked at what he told me.

I told him, “Darling I don’t see any difference in your skin colour, you are beautiful. You are my son.”

“You might see me like that Mum but the world is not like that.” He told me. “I am black and I am different and I feel that and have to live with that every day.”

My heart felt as if it was breaking. How can we be so cruel ? 

I told him, “Look at your attitude, what you believe you will feel”.

This morning I listened to this song by Prince Ea.

I cried and cried. I love this guy…an awakened soul singing out for Truth and Love.

Please watch and feel this in your heart.